I do not like spiders.
At all.
Especially if they are on or anywhere near my person.
Snakes, mice, insects.......no worries.
Spiders though.......yyyyeeeeeessshhhh.
So....
Last week I was sitting at my desk...working at not working.... and looked up to see a bigass garden spider looming inches above my head.
Not even a naked Mikhail Baryshnikov offering to rub me down with fine french oil could have moved me faster than mister hairy eight leg.
Yes.....the spider dance had begun.
It truly is a masterfully choreographed piece. No two steps are ever the same. Modern...yet classic. A complete improvisation every time.
Twisting & turning....I half jump half dive to the left of my desk. My chair is sent reeling back into the 100-plus-year-old single pane window behind me. Side note: there is a wall to the left of my desk. After removing my forehead from the drywall....I duck & weave, duck & weave, spin spin, shudder and sprint out of my office to the foyer......wwwwuuuuuuaaahhhhhhh! Without missing a beat.....my boss looks up and asks, "Spider?"
Very few have witnessed the spider dance......and lived to tell about it. Shut it, cuteboy. I can hear you sniggering. Death by laughter.
Anywho.......
I gathered my wits......along with a newspaper....and slowly crept back into my office. There he was....sitting smuggly in the middle of his web....smiling. I had every intention of smashing the fuzzy lurker but decided to scoop it up and show it the door. I'm so nice. At least.....I thought I was being nice.
Today.....
....as I was exiting the building something caught my eye. Literally.
Mr. Hairy-Eight-Leg had spun a web across the entrance of the door........right at eye level.
Yyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Duck, spin, shudder shudder, twist, shudder, step step step, shudder.....
Shall we dance....?
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8 comments:
Front row seats to the show are hard to get, given the fickle nature of spiders...... but what a dance!! Funny Baryshnikov is mentioned, he would be awed by your physical display!
:-)
My wife does the spider dance, too. And I have to admit a few spiders have caused me to move rather quickly on occasion...
i'll dance with you!
[You 'gathered your wits' - probably didn't take long.]
Presumably the dance you've been doing is in 4/4 time. Perhaps if you change the rhythm, so that the spiders have difficulty keeping time, they'd give up and leave you alone - just a thought - I'm off now.
Never come to Oz. We have the spiders from hell, and their Dads. Look up funnelweb, and mouse spider if you're looking for really ugly.
Happy dancing!
Miss M - you're one spider I'll gladly dance with!
Dad - I'll try to change it up....the next time one lands in my lap.
Mr. Mick - yes...I've seen National Geographic.
gazelle - nice that your wife has the occasional dance partner.
gaz - stop laughing
"Presumably the dance you've been doing is in 4/4 time." Ha Ha ...... good one, 8 legs and all.
Think of watching "Riverdance" on fast forward!
Reminds me of the time my wife and I sat down to watch arachnophobia...
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