Wednesday, October 31, 2007


I've had a few birthdays in which I received tricks instead of treats....

At mom was diagnosed with non-hodgkin's lymphoma. Trick.

At dad suffered a quintuple bypass & my mom had her second go-round with cancer. Double Trick.

This 39....the B-Man is going home! Most excellent treat!

Happy Halloween!

...from a couple of
spooky birthday girls.

Trick or Twin!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Here we go again....

Locals only! Go home kook! Val kook stay away!

Have you checked out the brouhaha that went down at sissyfish today? christ....

I don't know......maybe it's a testosterone thing? An.....I've-got-the-biggest-balls-and-
I'm-going-to-piss-on-every-leg-within-a-fifty-mile-radius....thing? I wonder how ovaries would fit into that scenario? Anyway....

Threats of violence..... over a fucking t-shirt. No. Not even an actual T. A query. A fucking QUESTION. Seriously.


I'm feeling inspired. Yep. Inspired.

I am going to make bikinis imprinted with photos of Oregon surf breaks.

You heard me.....Oregon surf breaks. The more "secret" the better. Controversy, baby. It's not like it hasn't been done. I mean....if Aaron Chang can post photos of surf breaks from around the world on tiny triangles......then why can't I? Especially at a hondo a pop. Ka-ching!!!

My first endeavor? A very secret Southern Oregon surf spot. That's right.....Ol' Mother X........ is going to be plastered right up the ass of my first bikini.

How secret is this spot? ask?

It's so secret..........bikini inspectors will need a flashlight and a speculum.....just to find the surf.

Happy hunting....

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

wonder drug

I've been out of the pool for two months now. You know how it is.....Life gets in the way.

Well....yesterday I decided it was time to return to some semblance of normalcy. These gills were drying up and in desperate need of that wonderful concoction two parts hydrogen one part oxygen, with a splash of bromide to taste.

Time to get wet.

A warm welcome back from Coach Dennis & my lane mates and a fairly simple set.....helped ease my re-entry.

50 meter pool

2 x [200s/100k/200p]

3 x [150 @ 2:45 -10 kicks off the wall; 4 x 50 @ 1:15 - 25 choice fast/25 ez; 150 @ 3:00 progressive by 50]

300 pull @ moderate

300 kick @ ez

Total = 3100 meters

I'm always aware of where I sit in the water......hand placement......shoulder roll....hip level.... but that didn't stop me from saying to myself..... "thank god for muscle memory". I didn't drown. I didn't blow a gasket. And more importantly....

I felt better.

Monday, October 15, 2007


Two weeks out of the water, injuries, hectic work weeks.....I was in desperate need of surf, when we headed to the beach Saturday. I figured I'd be satisfied with whatever the swell brought....even a beating sounded good.

Imagine our surprise when we pulled up to see head high peaks.....light off-shores....and the sun shining. A beautiful fall weekend in Oregon.

The cuteboy ditched me in the parking lot. Apparently....I wasn't (un)dressing fast enough. I stood perusing the various peaks....opting for a paddle out at Chambers. There were some long lefts and freight train rights coming through....could be fun. But it was crowded and a nasty rip was tearing through some of the peaks. So... I headed south to Timbuktu where I found myself splitting an empty peak with the Bearhunter and Mr. Lopez.

A couple waves.....smiling......enjoying the good surf.

Back for more Sunday morning....I found myself once again splitting a south peak with Mr. Lopez and the Bearhunter. Fast & furious rights. Steep long lefts. I had a front row seat to Gerry's beautiful carving on big bombers. And when he started cross-stepping to the nose....I told him to stop showing off.

Without getting too starry-eyed....I have to say.....Mr. Lopez is as gracious as he is graceful. The Bearhunter and I were scratching to get over an outside set....when Gerry dropped into the right. Bearhunter made it over. I......almost made it over.

Sssoooooooorrrrryyyyyyyyyy Nnaaaaaaaannnnccccyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!

....I heard Gerry yell as he rode over my tail..... sucking me backwards over the falls. No worries, Gerr.....I like a little rough play from cute older boys. Tee hee....

Friday, October 12, 2007


bike, board, beach...

I'll be in the water.

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Thursday, October 11, 2007



Mr. I'm-way-too-busy-to-be-bothered-with-getting-you-

.....this bird's for you!

fucking clients...

I really need a surf...

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

May I have this dance?

I do not like spiders.

At all.

Especially if they are on or anywhere near my person.

Snakes, mice, worries.

Spiders though.......yyyyeeeeeessshhhh.


Last week I was sitting at my desk...working at not working.... and looked up to see a bigass garden spider looming inches above my head.

Not even a naked Mikhail Baryshnikov offering to rub me down with fine french oil could have moved me faster than mister hairy eight leg.

Yes.....the spider dance had begun.

It truly is a masterfully choreographed piece. No two steps are ever the same. Modern...yet classic. A complete improvisation every time.

Twisting & turning....I half jump half dive to the left of my desk
. My chair is sent reeling back into the 100-plus-year-old single pane window behind me. Side note: there is a wall to the left of my desk. After removing my forehead from the drywall....I duck & weave, duck & weave, spin spin, shudder and sprint out of my office to the foyer......wwwwuuuuuuaaahhhhhhh! Without missing a boss looks up and asks, "Spider?"

Very few have witnessed the spider dance......and lived to tell about it. Shut it, cuteboy. I can hear you sniggering. Death by laughter.


I gathered my wits......along with a newspaper....and slowly crept back into my office. There he was....sitting smuggly in the middle of his web....smiling. I had every intention of smashing the fuzzy lurker but decided to scoop it up and show it the door. I'm so nice. At least.....I thought I was being nice.

Today..... I was exiting the building something caught my eye. Literally.

Mr. Hairy-Eight-Leg had spun a web across the entrance of the door........right at eye level.


Duck, spin, shudder shudder, twist, shudder, step step step, shudder.....

Shall we dance....?

Friday, October 05, 2007


Baby steps, slow & steady or the headlong rush...

Forward the direction we should want to be moving in.

Today I watched the Big B slide himself to the edge of his bed....and with a little assist from Dad...lower himself into his wheelchair. Fortunately for him...I was sans pompoms.

He may not realize it....but these are huge steps forward from just a week ago. A steady progression...despite minor hurdles.

Even got a smile & laugh out of him....when I told him "no speeding tickets". Of course...he immediately followed with the requisite eye roll. A gesture I often choose to ignore. Today....made me smile.

Forward movement...for all.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


Saw the coyote again this morning.

A moment to smell the roses.....I stop & watch him.

Smiling....He stops & watches back.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007


That's it....

Just shoot me.... now.

When your own seven-year-old has to help you put your bra on......? It's just wrong. ( his own's GROSS.)'s not the back.

I've managed to pinch a nerve (I think) in my left shoulder. Intense pain & numbness from my armpit all the way down to my wrist. Can't lift my arm. Sucks.

On a positive note......scored some beautiful weather & decent surf at the Noll on Saturday. (Yes....I surfed through the shoulder pain. Priorities...) Pulled a stacked heat....and didn't make it through to the finals. That's okay though.....the surf & weather Sunday was the shits. Literally. Also got to hump a friends new 9'4" Tyler. (Thanks Smitty) Beautiful beautiful board. I want one.

So....back to the injured reserves list I go. And back to teaching the v-man the finer points of operating women's intimate apparel. (It may be a few years down the road, but he'll be thanking me for these lessons....)

Advil anyone....?