firsts

when he was 5 he made a list
things he wanted to do
tonight
he got to cross one of those items
off his list
the smile on his face
left me in tears

call

I can't begin
to count the number
of calls that went unreturned
the number of emails that went
unanswered
disappointment
after
disappointment
I set myself up for it
every time
thinking....
this time
Now
you wonder why I don't call

karma

I don't know
maybe she thought she was being replaced
by the new & improved model
and
it wasn't my fault some punk did her damage
stabbed her
left her wounded & bleeding
whatever it was
she let me know exactly how dissatisfied she was with me
karma
kicked my ass, she did
left a gaping split in my head
equal to her own
karma
I suppose
I didn't need to ride the new model
right infront of her
or
take my time tending
to her bleeding wound
karma
once we got all that settled
she was back
turning trimming dancing
beautifully

sixteen

yesterday was the anniversary
of my marriage.
12 years on paper
16 total.
I used to tell myself
it's just another day.
convinced it didn't really matter
when he didn't remember.
he called me yesterday
to remind me.
for the first time
it really didn't matter.

f-stop

such a keen eye
captures enviable images
clear
concise
no mistaking the intent
mesmerizing

lunch

met a stranger for lunch today
familiar
yet...
not
we laughed at life's paths
how they've crossed
over the years
it was nice to see
his smile

release

a strong hand
moves up the spine
across a shoulder
pausing at her neck
fingers spread
firm
gripping
holding back
she exhales

live

I woke up and realized
my life was living me
no more
today
I live my life
ironic how this makes me
selfish

mute

years of silence
I found a voice
speak up
talk to me
I'm listening
sure

shark

I surfed with sharks last night
again
reaching out as they swam by
streamlined
smooth
smiling
peaceful

boy

tickle me
he yells
tickle me
tickle me
tickle me
belly laughs
all around

humor

he gave me a nickname
a spelling faux pas
sends me into fits of giggles
every time he uses it
so silly
it always makes me smile

talk

people seem
to have this preconceived notion
as to what therapy should be
counseling
shrink sessions
mental health
what if
we abandon
those notions
if I refuse to plunk down $150
for 50 minutes of talk
does that make my
therapy
any less effective?

preach

go ahead
tell me all about my ills
save me from myself
toss your best insults
never believing
never understanding
that I'm truly
okay

silly

sometimes........I giggle
uncontrollably
he laughs at my response
smiling
I can't help but sigh

Unrest

my brain races
unable to turn it off
exhausted
these thoughts
keep me from sleep
not even a warm hand on my hip
helps

Sigh

I can see each individual frame
droplets of water spray off the front of my board
the edge of my rail cuts through the face
down the line I glide
my fingers spread
reaching in
feel the healing power of her beauty

glide

I watched his slow powerful strokes
graceful over the water
I followed as best I could
keep each stroke efficient, he reminded me
I shook hands with a beautiful woman

Water

I can breathe under water
my dreams tell me so
full
deep
breaths
taking all in.
Healing.

Graze

I have 2 & 1/2 cats.
All three of them are fat.
Kitty cows............ I call them.
They remind me of myself
when I look in the mirror.