May I have this dance?

I do not like spiders.

At all.

Especially if they are on or anywhere near my person.

Snakes, mice, insects.......no worries.

Spiders though.......yyyyeeeeeessshhhh.

So....

Last week I was sitting at my desk...working at not working.... and looked up to see a bigass garden spider looming inches above my head.

Not even a naked Mikhail Baryshnikov offering to rub me down with fine french oil could have moved me faster than mister hairy eight leg.

Yes.....the spider dance had begun.

It truly is a masterfully choreographed piece. No two steps are ever the same. Modern...yet classic. A complete improvisation every time.

Twisting & turning....I half jump half dive to the left of my desk. My chair is sent reeling back into the 100-plus-year-old single pane window behind me. Side note: there is a wall to the left of my desk. After removing my forehead from the drywall....I duck & weave, duck & weave, spin spin, shudder and sprint out of my office to the foyer......wwwwuuuuuuaaahhhhhhh! Without missing a beat.....my boss looks up and asks, "Spider?"

Very few have witnessed the spider dance......and lived to tell about it. Shut it, cuteboy. I can hear you sniggering. Death by laughter.

Anywho.......

I gathered my wits......along with a newspaper....and slowly crept back into my office. There he was....sitting smuggly in the middle of his web....smiling. I had every intention of smashing the fuzzy lurker but decided to scoop it up and show it the door. I'm so nice. At least.....I thought I was being nice.

Today.....

....as I was exiting the building something caught my eye. Literally.

Mr. Hairy-Eight-Leg had spun a web across the entrance of the door........right at eye level.

Yyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Duck, spin, shudder shudder, twist, shudder, step step step, shudder.....

Shall we dance....?